Accepting Loneliness
It happens late at night while we cosy up in our duvet while staring out the window at the illuminating moonlight. It happens when we drag our index finger and press the lift button to send us up to our office. It happens when we are walking through ourself the walkway to buy lunch. It happens when she doesn’t text back. It happens when we are in a college mate gathering. It happens when we sit in the lecture hall full of people laughing and teasing but not to us. It happens everywhere.
It is when we feel alone. Real loneliness is when you think that no one understands you. This is why we can be in a room full of humans and still feel alone. We feel frustrated when we feel this or that person does not fully understand us. And we blame them for not putting the effort to. And we imagine someone out there in the world who can truly understand who we are. I definitely am guilty of that. My longing for emotional connection got me unceasingly on the look for such a person, and whenever someone shows a hint of potential I would crown her with a halo.
I have come to realise one of the hardest truths-no one can ever truly understand us. Not our family, not our best friends, not our spouse, not the person you talk to at a bar who happened to share the same interests and went through the same hardship as you years ago.
Even though we want things to be otherwise so badly. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone just knows instinctively what our needs are and how we feel every second? Our expectations are heightened. Social narrative perpetuates that being lonely somehow means something is wrong with you. Go on social media and scroll through 10 consecutive group photos of people hanging out and you start to wonder if you are even normal.
I think the reason why we can never not feel alone is that no two humans go through the same exact experience, social conditioning, past traumas, etc. So much of us is being influenced by these aspects and it is just part of the human condition. Hence even though we can empathize with our fellow human beings, we can never ever get into their heads and feel what they feel, think what they think, hate what they hate.
Accepting this has made me change my perception of loneliness. I know I will always be lonely, be it surrounded by 50 people or sitting on my bed at 2am on my own. I let go of the desire to find people who can understand me at my core since it is kinda like looking for unicorns. I have fewer unrealistic expectations around my social relationships and enjoy what is there to be enjoyed. No one can ever truly understands me, and you, and that is okay.
At the end of the day, because no one can truly understand you and you can never truly understand anyone, you might as well get to know the person you see in the mirror, maybe learn to accept this person, warts and all, and start to actually enjoy the person’s company a little bit more day by day.
